Open Letter to the SGC
Thank you so much
Thank you to every single one of you who took a chance and joined this community. I know how risky things like this can feel when you are grieving.
I also wanted to give a special thank you for your patience, as I have been slowly figuring out how to run a community that is meant to be long term. It has been a completely different experience with a steeper learning curve than I expected — haha!
I also feel like in the first few months I was fumbling quite a bit due to some external life events. I alluded to these before, but I wanted to give you a little more context, because I know this group did not feelas though I was running it the organized and predictable way I would expect myself too (I'm a detail-oriented, ultra organized Virgo through and through). Tasks took longer, like the webpage full of facts about everyone that I will be cleaning up soon! I would somehow forget to post dates I had marked down as meaningful for a sibling griever in our community. And I wasn't my usual self who planned things like meetings well in advance.
As I've mentioned, I do have one living sibling — a brother who struggles in a variety of ways and has for quite some time. Most of the pictures I post are of me and my two siblings who died, Alanna and Jake, because to be frank, it was usually the three of us. In fact, when Jake died, many people were thinking and saying that my other brother had died, because as depressing as it is, that would have made more "sense." I love this brother dearly, and as I know many of you understand from your own families, it is tricky to be in relationship with someone who often hurts those who love him most, as well as himself.
About a week after I started this group, things took a sudden turn for the worst with my brother's actions. Without going into details that aren't fully mine to share, it demanded everything I had for a while — it's the kind of thing that pulls your whole nervous system into crisis mode and doesn't leave much left over for anything else. That' the real reason the first few months of this community felt more chaotic than I wanted them to be. Not because I didn't take this space seriously. Not because I didn't respect what it means for you to be here with your grief. But because I was totally depleted by something unexpected that frankly brought up alot about my own grief.
I am so so sorry for the ways this has impacted this beautiful community. I say this not to shame myself but because I truly wish that you all could have experienced that more reliable and resourced version of me I am moving back into.
Things have stabilized enough now that I can show up for this community the way I always meant to! I want to name one more thing plainly: I'm not sharing this so you'll take care of me. Caretaking me was never what this space was for, and it's not what I need from you now. I am incredibly responsible in the way I do this work- which is to say I have many resources for my own mental well being. I have just felt the need to share the truth of what's actually going on so you feel respected here, especially as you have trusted me with so much.
Finally- I want to share that actually doing this type of work; meeting with people one on one, doing these groups and hearing you share so vulnerably, actually feels supportive for me in my grief.
While I have not been as organized as I would wish I have thoroughly appreciated this opportunity to make space for your grief, learn about your sibling, and watch many of you connect with others who know this pain.
Thank you so very much.